Life

All posts in the Life category

My Bees and their Beehive

Published September 23, 2017 by vishalvkale

THE BEES COME TO ME…
I count myself lucky that I had a massive beehive right outside my living room window, on the window concrete sun-shade slab. For several months, the two of us- the harmful and dangerous human being, and those harmless gentle honey bees – co-existed without any trouble to each other. They didn’t bother me, and I didn’t bother them. But this period have me insights both into Honeybees as well as human behavioral aspects, insights that I shall carry with me my entire life. The images of this honey-beehive are given below, which can highlight its closeness to my habitat.
I first noticed them when a few came inside from the open window; I was at a loss as to what to do, till I figured out they were attracted by the light. Only then did I spot the Beehive, and nearly panicked & spoke to the society incharge for immediate redressal of this “grave” threat to my habitat and existence. The bees – they didn’t care too much for me, ignoring me as irrelevant, unimportant and useless, an observation I now agree with!



THE BEEHIVE
Note that-  both of us were close – very close, physically, to each other. And yet, I – the larger animal was scared, while they, the infamous stinging bees, were unconcerned. My existence was as much a danger to them; perhaps a greater danger – and yet they co-existed peacefully. We weren’t causing each other too much inconvenience; and yet the Human Being felt threatened. They didn’t sting me, or anyone in my certain knowledge – and yet, we felt threatened by them. Threatened enough by their mere closeness to us to have them removed forcibly. So who is the greater danger to whom? Humans to the bees or the bees to the Humans?



This interchange is emblematic of our overall interaction with the environment and the way we permanently reshape and alter it. While I don’t deny the presence of some risk, the chances of a stone hitting the Hive causing the bees to get irritated did exist, to be frank; the fact remains that the Bees, by themselves, had done nothing to harm or inconvenience us in any way. It only meant that we could keep the Jali windows open, that is all. Even if the bees came inside- they didn’t harm us humans at all. They committed suicide by getting pulled to the light. And yet, instead of finding ways of co-existence with the environment we seek to alter it, just so we can be slightly more convenient and comfortable.



Now move in a little closer – note the execution perfection of the hive, the complete and wonderful perfection displayed by the hexagonal cells and the way it all comes together. This has been achieved by over several hundred individuals working in tandem towards a common goal; I regretfully accept that as of now, I don’t see how we humans can achieve this incredible level of teamwork shown in these images above. And when the hive was broken – the perfection with which they removed the remains in a few short hours was simply breathtaking!


TEACHINGS BY THE BEES AND THE BEEHIVE
But above and beyond this – the Beehive taught me some other, pertinent and valuable lessons in management, human behaviour that left me speechless. Having observed them from so close for so long –  a distance of barely 2 feet from the 2 feet by 2.5 feet by 8 inches beehive gave me lessons that shall stay with me my whole life. Look at the images above now- and observe. Observe the stunning, nay – mesmerizing teamwork in the way these insects, which aren’t sentient beings, settle together on the hive; observe their focus and their commitment to the common good of the hive. And when disturbed – the speed with which they relocated and renewed taught me a lesson in execution in uncertain times.
This is something that is never found in us Humans – despite being sentient, highly intelligent, thinking, literate and in some rare cases – educated people. Despite this, Humans have rarely, if ever, displayed such commonality, speed and dedication as displayed by these bees. And whenever we have done so – either wonders or disaster has followed. The reason for that is our desires, ambitions play a major role in taking us away from the common purpose, and drive us towards individual achievements, thereby unmaking the good of teamwork. And this happens in almost every Human Endeavour.
Thus, while on the one hand, our higher intellect has made us capable of achieving wonders, our attendant desires have made us incapable of actually achieving those same wonders! Curiously, it is dreams / desires that aid in unlocking potential – unless you desire something, dream – you cannot figure out that such a thing exists -which is why bees will remain bees. But these same desires, when unhindered – binaa lagaam ke ghodaa,  a horse a without a rein – lead us astray, both on an individual level as well as collectively.
ANIMALS & INSECTS VS US
It is rather surprising and more than a little shameful if you think of it – animals and insects, operating without a high intellect, can pull off wonders with teamwork; and we Humans, with our high intellect, cannot do anything on a similar scale. When you consider that every Beehive, and many other animals / insects, do it universally, the Human folly of individualism – given to us by western civilization in some ways as well as  driven by our own nature & selfish desires – becomes all the more shameful. The thought of what we can achieve if we were to learn to work together for a common good is tantalizing, and highly attractive – but extremely hard to pull off in reality, considering the ground realities. At this point, take a close look again – you will find a few types of bees – all doing their own roles expertly.
THE POSITIVE POWER AND THE NEGATIVE PROBLEM OF OUR DESIRES
Human desires are our main strength – they drive innovation, and are indispensable. And Human activities are also hugely diverse; thus, the learning we can take from this above example is simple this: we have to find ways to marry the two – individual desires & individual abilities and weld the two into one powerful whole. Therein lies the gist of what leadership is truly about: it isn’t about getting those numbers, that bottom or topline, or whatever. It is about selecting, training and placing the right person for the right job to enable organizational performance and excellence. Each individual has strengths and desires – we just need to, as individuals and as leaders both, find the right sweet spot. In other words, we need to stop chasing the crowd, find what we are good at, choose from these what gels with our desires, control the both of them – and execute.
The above rarely, or rather, almost never happens. We go by rote, we follow the herd, be it education or be it jobs; we rarely analyse and understand either ourselves or our teams, or indeed the organization and the situation, and blindly ape the rest of the world : forgetting that it is the constant execution of the small tiny things that ensures excellence. Forgetting that control over desires, understanding innate talent and strengthening it is the way to succeed, not following the herd. Watching that Beehive gave me these powerful insights, insights that had laid dormant in me – as evidenced by my previous thoughts on this matter.
APPLICATION TO ORGANISED HUMAN ACTIVITY
This applies for organisations as well as individuals; I fact- all organized / individual activity – if you don’t have the right team to execute in a changed external atmosphere, or if your analysis is not as per ground realities – you are almost certain to fail over the long term. The difference between humans and bees can manifest here : a human beehive would probably not be built on the lintel of another species residence, as the inherent danger should be obvious to us. And yet, we always disregard, and build our beehives {individual lives / organisations etc}  the same way, unmindful of the long term risks posed by our approach and our strategy! As proof, we simple have to list the list of brand and company failures in the past…
SAYING BYE TO THE BEES AND THE BEEHIVE
But the worst part of this entire episode was that I had to, with great reluctance, let go of the Beehive as my colony and my society wouldn’t have it any other way. What is worse, neither would I; the long term risk of an irritated nest so close to home was too great. Yet, it is noteworthy that, left to their own devices, the Bees would not have troubled me at all. In fact, I had gotten used to them living a few feet away. The complete inability of our species to adjust for the environment, and how far we have gone away from it – is the saddest aspect of all.
I for one am very delighted that Parmatma chose me to see this wonder barely 2 feet away from  myself on a daily basis, with its rapturous perfection, teamwork, execution excellence and genius – and the superb beauty of the natural order of things… they have taught me the true meaning of leadership, the true purpose of a leader; they have taught me management; but more than that, above all – the Bees and the Beehive has taught me the power of the environment, and how it is we Humans that are a problem with our ever-increasing desires and selfishness, and lack of adjustment capability… 
Advertisements

Life, And Death… The Unending Circle

Published January 17, 2016 by vishalvkale

Life, And Death… The Unending Circle
Another year… Another Month… and Another Day… Yet another tragedy strikes close to me and my family, leaving us behind…leaving my mind in a turmoil, with questions and observations crashing through my mind as I attempt to come to terms with the larger questions relating to the purpose of life, and the smaller questions of my response both to the path of life as well as my response to such seminally tragic events…
As of now, as before, when tragedy has struck and me & my family are in mourning, the one thought that literally flashes through my mind, crashes into my consciousness is the same thought I had on my Dad’s funeral pyre 9 years ago… at the end, the only thing that remains is a person’s thoughts, nature, words, and relationships with people…
Nothing matters; the worldly possessions we run after so mindlessly will pass on to some other owner, nothing remains that you or your memory can call yours. The house will be transferred to some other name; the shirts, pants will be donated to some needy; the TV will be seen by someone else; the car will have a new driver behind the wheel; the bank balance and investments will be bequeathed to someone else… and so on and so forth…
The world will cry a little or a lot – or not at all, depending on how close people were to you {that is critical}; those who cry will do so for 2 days, maybe three – or maybe longer. The only person who will retain your memory lifelong is your spouse – and if you are exceptionally lucky {and good}… your children. That is it. Life stops for not a moment after you pass away; not one moment. Mouths will need to be fed; children need to go to school; and so on and so forth. Nothing stops – not even your closest family, and that is a hard fact.
WHAT REMAINS AFTER US?
The one realisation that has come to me is that what remains after you is only the good deeds you have done; the happiness that you have spread; the pleasure you have given; your words & your memories, which people cherish in those rare special moments when the past comes back to mind; nothing else matters. The only other thing that matters is your Children : if you manage to give them a good education and upbringing – they will carry this and thank you their entire life.
And yet, paradoxically, we spend our entire adult lives pursuing worldly items  and possessions to the exclusion of the only things that will actually remain ours; the only things we will carry with us to the heavenly abode. I myself, who am penning these rather grandiose terms, am not too different in this regard.
WHY? A PRACTICAL LOOK…
It can be argued that each individual has desires and ambitions, and culling and curbing your desires and ambitions is not exactly the right thing to do; that it is my right to do as I please, as I am on this earth to live. Granted. But does the  pursuit of our individual goals and desires mean we forget the items listed above? Cant we try and do both?
Nothing on this planet is free of charge : you will need money to live, to feed yourself and your family. And it is further granted that food alone is not enough; you will need money for giving your family a good life, you owe them that. That is beyond argument; I am not advocating becoming a hermit, or proposing / recommending simple living – high thinking philosophy. And, truth be told, less than 1% of people will take freebies; it feels great to achieve something – and this sense of achievement rubs off on your loved ones and your family as well.
Thus, the daily grind of life really does need to be gone through-  frankly, you yourself wouldn’t have it any other way. But the question remains : if after I am gone – my worldly possessions wont remain mine; that only my deeds, my words, my emotions, my memories will remain truly mine : then what is the purpose of it all? And furthermore, this question leads to what I regard to tbe the keystone question, the vital question : what is really important – or what is the relative importance of each aspect of your life?
KNOWING I, ME, MYSELF
I found, during my 9-year journey on these questions which first assaulted me on my Dad’s funeral pyre, that you cannot answer these questions without answering who am I? For, when you attempt to settle and answer the questions above, all rationalisations of the real world fall by the wayside – and you are left naked, confronted with yourself : and your real priorities, devoid of anxieties, worries, desires and ambitions. What would you want to be known for and remembered as? The answer to that questions is a reflection of your true self, in my opinion…
The past 9 years have also revealed something else – these questions and their answers remain carved into stone; independent of the real world around you, and the challenges and tasks it demands of you. It matters nought if you are on a high note in your life – or if you are in a struggling phase. The questions, and their answers, remain as they were. They are resolute & unchanging…
Through good times and bad, the tiny voice inside you remains, always telling you wher e you are going wrong, or what your real priorities are. The difficulty, as I have experienced as well as am experiencing, is in isolating that tiny voice, that original voice from the other voices that emanate not from you, but from your desires & ambitions, experiences, successes and failures. I have not yet succeeded in overcoming the pull of these stronger pressures, and learning to listen to the real me that resides somewhere deep inside me, the me that is telling my mind and body what is right and what I should be doing…
The key seems to be isolating the desires and ambitions driven voices that originate from the passions, and my life goals and experiences – from that small invisible me. I am not my desires; my desires emanate from my real world needs and experiences, and are strictly external to me as an individual. My life goals – even they are not me, for the perfectly simple reason that these- all of them – have external dependencies, so they cannot be the real me.
Who, then, am I? Answer : as of now, I don’t know. While the real world desires and ambitions are important, for I am a constituent of my society, and need to fulfil my role; they are not me. That much I am sure of. I do know that my body cannot be me : for it will one day return to its real owner – the earth. My body cannot be me for after people die – they do live on in memories, and their good deeds. My body cannot be me, for the simple reason that through pain and joy, a part of me remains untouched, and above all.
Who, then, am I? My hunt continues… 

Indian Culture : Being Indian, Truly Indian – An Examination

Published February 20, 2015 by vishalvkale

Being and becoming is definitely the flavor of the season… there are a few trends that are now clearly discernible in the national discourse in India along these lines: one is the yearning for a return to our culture and our roots, the second being a push to be Indian and buy Indian, a third is the rising tide that pushes a national narrative of a Hindu subjugation, and a fourth being the rising tide of Hindu sentiment for a golden Hindu period, with Hindu values, and morals. The icing on the cake is the moral brigade, and the attendant reverse, with the pillorying and vilifying reactions to this moral brigade. Intermingled among all these is the single viewpoint of contempt and disdain some educated Indians have for ancient Indian culture.

In the atmosphere of Ghar Waapsi, I noted that the true Ghar Waapsi will happen when we stop giving bribes, stop eulogizing The West etc. Similarly, in the light of the rise of the AAP, we are talking of a rising hope, which is great, and a rising euphoria, which is misplaced. In both the cases above, as well as the scenarios in the first paragraph,  we are talking about a complete change in a people being dreamt and imagined by a people who first of all only pay superficial obeisance to Indian Values,  Sanaatani Vichaardhaaraa and our culture, and have little or limited knowledge of history.  As a small example, just try and tell anyone the fact that Hinduism is a British creation; that our real religion is Sanaatan Dharm; note the aggressive reaction, and the ignorance.  

Being “Indian” in culture, in this context, is taken to mean something either completely superficial and  external, without getting to the core of the issue – by and large, equated with language, dress, and such like – things that have precisely nothing to do with culture, and are manifestly superficial; or something based on a biased, one sided and incorrect narrative of History. This article delves into the first aspect, and the historical narrative forms the 2nd part of this mini-series.

Being Indian is being taken and interpreted as a stance of morality in relations between the sexes, which is a loaded and one-sided sentiment even at the best of times, as another example. Some of the more interesting views is the political landmine of Hindi being needlessly and incorrectly termed the national language by some people. Being Indian is taken to mean eulogizing the ancient culture we had, with a more hardline stance pillorying even the Mughal and Arabic rulers of New Delhi from 1150AD onwards

These people forget that the very language they go ballistic over – Hindi – is a borrowed tongue, being born out of Arabaic, Persian, Awadhi, Braj and a couple of other dialects. 300 years ago, this language had not even been invented, and was in the process of being crafted – whereas some modern languages like Marathi had already evolved out of Maharashtri Prakrut and Apabhramsa several hundred years before this time. Yet, it is Hindi which is spoken across Northern India, not the other ancient languages. What does this tell us about our culture?

India has come under one political yoke many times in ancient days, and yet a single language did not evolve, and was never enforced. Even in Muslim central rule, when Persian was the official tongue, one single language did not evolve; the language that did evolve from this – Hindi – was more akin to Marathi and other Indian languages than to Persian and Arabic. Not only that, at no point did an indigenous arts and literature evolve around the foreign language in India. Point is the openness and non-interference in cultural affairs and the cultural tolerance even during Muslim rule!

On the topic of women, one side of the argument vociferously denounces the changes happening, while the other, quite naturally, in automatic and justified outrage, goes the other extreme! For the moral brigade : technically, you might have been right – had you decided to approach the problem as a point of education and awareness, rather than moral policing; an issue which meant that Indian Values need to be inculcated… but even there, we run into problems, as becomes evident in the next paragraph. On the other side: it is your life, your decision; I personally see no locus standi of anyone not from your respective families.

I am all for a reversal for the role of women to that in ancient India, provided it is in keeping with the genuine Indian culture, not what is normally pandered in the guise of Indian Culture. What was the role of women in those days, and in what societal context? Women have always had a position of primacy in the Indian household, society and politics – right from ancient times. Even in normal lives, women were not oppressed – yes, there were some practices which are unacceptable in the current societal context, like age of marriage – but by and large, they were relatively free.

If you say women should marry as per male family members’ wishes, fine by me. If you say open display of love is a no-no, fine by me. But… it can’t be a one-way street; you then have to re-examine the entire scenario: what was the overall attitude towards women in those days in our society? How safe were they on the streets? What was their contribution towards the economy, the society and politics? How were they treated, and how were they viewed? Were they objectified and treated as showpieces, as men are habitual of doing today, openly staring a women, treating them as objects? Was open display of love really a no-no in those days – within the then prevalent societal norms?

Women were treated with respect, given a pride of place, were safe in ancient India, and were not objectified, were actually honoured. Can we say that today? Display of affection was allowed within the norms of that society. Further, their contribution in economics, politics and society was valued. Given the nature of that society, and the role of women as home-makers, that was relevant. In the modern context, women are important contributors to economics, politics and society far in excess of ancient times.

If we then say that the old norms stay paramount, then revert them to their old roles, stop their contribution in various fields. Fine by me – but what about the damage to politics, economics, livelihoods of males working in organizations formed by women etc? You cant have your cake and eat it too! In other words, males want to benefit from female efforts from other families, while simultaneously keeping and treating them as property! They are fine if other women do it, their family should remain in their control… what If everyone thinks the same? What will be the difference between us and the Middle East in that case?

As a matter of fact,  a powerful case can be made for the fall of the Indian Political power in the medieval times as being a result of the rise in the maltreatment of two classes in our society: women, and the downtrodden. The rise of norms such as Sati, increasing obstruction of women coincided with the fall in our fortunes – this tallies with our scriptures, which specifically state that Gruhalaxmi has to be respected, else wealth flies away. We started ill-treating women, and our wealth went bye-bye! Remember, Goddess Sita opted to bury herself in Mother Earth rather than go back to Ayodhya!

Moving on, the easiest aspect to tackle in this narrative is the be-Indian-buy-Indian brigade, which has both economic and cultural aspects; the economic side of the argument has been well covered in mainstream media, and needs no repetition. The cultural side of the argument deals with a narrative of re-colonisation, and is a very popular and oft-forwarded message on Whatsapp and even Facebook, as well as blogs and digital media. This narrative actually is completely the opposite of “Indian” from an ancient perspective! Ancient and Medieval India was a trading powerhouse, with a vast and massive trade of a large number of goods with the entire world from the past 5000 years, which is a known and established fact.

We had trading outposts as far away as Central Asia, a busy land trade route as well as extensive commercial guilds that traded with other ancient cultures, as is evident from the mentions of India in other ancient literature from other cultures, as well as the interchanges with diverse visitors and invaders like the Greeks and the Huns. India flourished as it learned to trade far better than others – giving what it did best, and taking what it could not specialize in. This is essentially what Modern Economics states, and we did it 3000 and more years before the birth of Economics!

But this narrative never reaches the public, who focus only on be-Indian-buy-Indian, which is not only against all economic logic, but is also against our own culture, history and learnings from the past! Far from learning from our mistakes, as we saw in the case of language, women or in this case of trade, we are reacting in a way that holds some serious questions for us as a people and as a culture. Sad part is, there is no attempt in the mainstream to handle this logically, and without passion… the good part is, that the first stirrings of a logical debate on these matters has now started.

The point of the article is that “Being Indian” in culture is more about what you THINK, what you do and how you behave : Vedic values are more about honesty, cultural and religious tolerance, openness, free trade across political borders, equality of the sexes {viewed in the context of the respective era}, etc. It has to be viewed holistically, not piecemeal as per our convenience and vested interests. It also has to take into account our prevalent societal, socio-economic and other paradigms, and cannot be viewed in isolation. And lastly, it has to be based in light of facts, not a desired fiction or a notion or even an imagined Golden Period;



My small suggestion for what it is worth,,, can we all try and really be Indian in every sense of the term?

Life’s Challenges : Are You Rough, Or Are You Tough?

Published January 9, 2015 by vishalvkale

LIFE’S CHALLENGES 


This is a statement that is commonly stated, and is almost a truism nowadays… “Everyone Faces Challenges”. While it is true that everyone faces challenges, the fact remains that some people face a far higher degree of challenges that others. Further, there are challenges, and then there are challenges… meaning, not all challenges can be stated to be of the same level of severity. 

How can you compare a person who has studied in street lights with one who has had a comfortable privileged upbringing? How do you compare a person who has brought up an entire family of 10+ people alone? I know 2 such people personally. How do you compare a person who has every benefit with one hasnt had that pleasure? How can you compare a person who has not had luck going his or her way with others? {It happens- howsoever much may you deny it. Some people are luckier than others, fact} How can you compare a person who is not as intelligent with one who is? How can you compare a person who is not ready to sacrifice on values with one who is? How can you compare a person who has to fight through every single day all alone {I know of 3 such people} with others? 

How can anyone say that the child of a labourer, studied at night, worked in dirty places at daytime, getting beaten, sweared at {nice sweet words like MC, BC, B-DIke, K***e, etc}, who faces a drunk father, an uneducated mother and these problems to graduate and postgraduate has faced the same challenges as the child of an upper middle class executive who has a room, a bike or car to himself or herself, all the books desired, education in an exclusive top notch school whos fees can feed the entire family of the labourer for months? Who is assured a job due to societies perceptive idiosyncracies and biases as well as family contacts? 

Fact of the matter is that some people face challenges that are far in excess of other people, who tend to extrapolate their experience and make statements on all. Some people face a degree of challenge that most other people cannot even dream about. Please dont belittle their struggles in life by saying that everyone faces challenges… What most people call challenges are in reality only slight ripples; these people have no conceptualisation as to what a challenge really is. As a people, we should grow and learn to appreciate these differences in severity, and thank the Lord for the Luck we have been blessed with.



A QUESTION OF VALUES


Moving on, people react differently to challenges life poses to them. To use popular phraseology, some people face them head-on with the right attitude, while others buckle under. We commonly state that some people have fire in the belly, that they overcome the negatives life poses to them.  But this general statement hides some good, some ugly truths, which manifest themselves upon closer examination. 

It is a core psychological concept that attitudes are active, in that they are the external manifestations of your core values. This, I am afraid, is an established psychological fact.  The human’s external behaviour is a core function of these deep seated values- and that includes attitude, which is determined by the deep seated features. These values are what that determine the output that occurs. Attitudes are an evaluation and action – based; the base of these evaluations are the values that you hold dear. 

Values relate to Esteem, Power, Social Status, Security, Morality, Conformity, Tradition – and relate to what each individual holds dear – Self & Power, Change, Security etc. If a person holds Power and Esteem above all else, such a person is more likely to cut corners – a small generalisation as an example. 

It goes much deeper, but I hope I make my point. Attitude is just an expression, an action – the core is the value set of the individual. Attitude is not what we understand it to be; that is just a manifestation, and is in reality controlled by something else. The response to external stimuli is determined by internal personality parameters; the never-say-die or killer attitude etc is just a fashion statement, and has no precise basis in science.  It is just a mere expression based on external stimuli, determined by circumstances and personality, both being equally important.

On being faced with a challenge, small or large – it is your values that determine how you respond, not your attitude or your faith or anything else. Attitude is a function of your value system. A person with strong values will respond in a completely different manner as compared to a person with a weak internal constitution. A strong person will keep faith in his values and not take shortcuts, whereas the weak person will partake in shortcuts. 

This manifests itself in the world around us. A person with a weak value system will take the easy shortcut, and not struggle on the extremely suspect “bahaanaa” that the world does it {sound familiar?}, whereas the person with a real functioning value system will consciously opt for the optimal right path {both words operational and important – rare is the situation that has only one right answer} 

And it is this behavioural pattern that determines how tough you become due to the challenges you face, or how rough you become. The weak, the cowards become rough, whereas the strong become tough. Therein lies the difference.

Fire poses hard questions to a person’s conscience, and to a person’s base value system. The answers chosen by the individual determines roughness or toughness. Tough people are the real success – whereas the rough people are the failures. The world, however, regards roughness as toughness, showing its perceptive errors and ignorance. Roughness can never be toughness; Rough is external and skin deep – whereas tough is internal, and deep-seated. 

The core issue is, if you are being true to your value system, your conscience and the path of right, you are tough regardless of whether you are a material success in life. Material success is pointless, and a complete waste of time. Tumhaare mehel yeh saare, yahin reh jaayenge pyaare, fikar kis baat ki pyaare – wahaan paidal hi jaanaa hai! My parents wealth- whatever it was – still lies on this planet. They could not take it away with them! 

Material success is a means to an end : and the people who compromise on the path of right, on values for material luxuries are the real failures. Material wealth is important – you have to live, after all. The needs of the body are as genuine as the needs of the spirit. But that does not mean you compromise on the good, and the right. What difference is their between you and an Asura in that case? Straight, Frank and Blunt. 

Another word – small- that does not occur to people is “decisions”. Fire is all about decisions, which arise from your value system mentioned above. And it is these decisions that lead to further experiences; the good and value-based decisions lead to situations that are not easy to handle, requiring truthfulness, toughness, and commitment; you are constantly questioned on these, constantly challenged along the path. The one who remains true, passes all, other circumstances being equal. 

And it is because of the constant stream of difficult situations posed by challenges that allows a person to develop decision making skills. And that is how fire brings about toughness. That also defines and differentiates rough and tough. Toughness means facing problems in a calm manner, without panic, taking the right value-based decisions – even if it means pain over the short-term. And, in my opinion, very, very few people are tough by that description; managers, fathers, husbands, wives, friends – everyone chooses the short term. That isnt being tough; that is being rough. And Brash. Straight, Frank and Blunt, sorry. 



What drives a person, and gives the strength to be able to return from a setback? 


Primarily, need drives a person to bounce back everytime. Sorry to be so abrasive {it is unintentional} – this is a classic word used by people who may not have faced the same level or regularity of problems in life. “I admire his or her resilience”. 

What choice does a modern person have? Food doesnt grow on trees; it costs money to live. You have to be resilient today – that is a simple truism. And even a coward can be resilient. That is not hardening, it isnt being tough. That is pure need, nothing else. Any number of people are and can be resilient! 

What is more important is whether, in the process of bouncing back, some compromises on values or conscience have been made. Say a person loses his or her job because he or she is unable to come to terms with playing ball with unethical activities. If this person then starts doing unethical acts just to save the new job and grow, then this isn’t toughness; it may be resilient, since the person has come back and made it. But, in the process this person has made a pact with the devil, and sold his or her conscience, and base values, showing cowardice and weakness. 

Resilience has, thus, nothing to do with being tough, or being hardened. Tough means staying in the fight, struggling while remaining true to the values of honesty, integrity, courage, law, ethics. That is real toughness; not compromising on any value, not giving bribes, not doing anything unethical, being completely honest. The tough man or woman may not necessarily be rich, or in power; riches and power dont define toughness in a human being. Neither does brash abrasive behaviour, aggression, breaking rules and laws, cutting corners, “adjusting” to the ways of the world define toughness; that is being rough. 

As I stated above, tough means being true to your core values, being honest, showing integrity, and having the courage to walk the path of life despite the problems and difficulties you encounter – all the time, never even thinking of wavering from your chosen path of value-based and driven decisions. That is real tougness. 

Are you tough – or are you rough?